Ok... I still haven type finish my first two days of Japan trip... But finishing soon... Already on Day 2 liaoz... So stay tune... :P Currently staying overnight at alas house cheonging the video project thingy... Dunno can finish it on time for first review... We still needa go back to sch abit earlier for re-film as we did not take notice of the camera focus... :S Veri blur... So no choice... Now quickly finish wat is needed to be done... Yup...

Juz now alas let mi listened to a song - Right Here by Jeremy Camp... It's an inspiring and nice song... Coz recently, a lot of things happening around... Not juz one issue, but a few... All these brings back some memories when i was terribly down after she left... Basically, i kept my sorrows to myself becoz i know tat it was totally over... I went through all kind of pains and sufferings b4 too... Juz let mi shared abit how it was like...

Mid of Sept: Offically broke up after our veri last 3rd anniversary dinner...
End of Sept: Went back to ITE assist teachers with class on creating E-Cards with Flash... Cant remb the song name but the lyrics goes like this "Tonight, I celebrate my love with you"...
Begining of Oct: Was invited to church friends' wedding tgt with her... As not much ppl know abt it... And they asked us this qns "So, when is your turn?"
Mid of Oct: My bdae, where my kakis tried to cheer mi up... For you guys inform, she was the first person to really celebrate with my bdae...
End of Oct: I was enlisted to National Service...

Until now. I can never believe wat i have been through... It's like suddenly everything went against mi... Adding salt onto my wounds... I was still as usually joking around with my kakis tat i'm still shi lian (Heart Broken)... Den one of my kakis gf said this "So long liaoz, still shi lian mehz?" I never replied her... Hahaha... Dunno why but i juz kept quiet abt it... To mi, she played a big part in my life... In the beginning, i believed God bless mi with this gal... Stayed by mi when i was totally down and depressed... For once, i felt family warmth from her family as her parents actually did care and concern abt mi when i did badly for my O level and entered ITE... Her dad actually cut out a newspaper article abt ITE students being successful and her mom spoken to mi b4 it's ok to take a longer route in life...

And she was the first person tat i cried in front of anyone... The moment i got my O level results, i was veri depressed... I know somehow my chances to poly are almost impossible... She prayed for mi and it was something like this "Pray that no matter which path You have chosen for Raymond, let Your Will be done and continue to guide him along the way and mold him into the kind of person You wants him to be" She explained "Noticed tat i never prayed for you to enter poly? Coz i believe everything will be fine in God's hand... Trust in Him..." Tats why i was so touched and broke down into tears... Coz never in my life, someone has really cared this much for mi... I know my parents cared for mi too, juz tat they dunno how to express their feelings well...

There are actually quite a number of things she did for mi... Juz tat it is juz too many to blog it out... Although she made the decision to leave mi, i know i cant force her... I know i cant bear to let her go... Still, i respected her decision reluctantly... Tat night after our last dinner, we seated at her house downstair... And in the end, i cried badly in front of her... I couldn't control it... I know she was feeling veri bad, but was firm enough... And i understand tat, coz she doesn't wan to give mi false hope... B4 we had our dinner, we went to take our last neo card with the words "Moving on"... All our neo cards i still keeping them until today and forever...

First 3 years, i guess i'm really suffered mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually... During my NS time, i'm still quite active in church activities and totally commited to Boys' Brigade... Somehow, i dun think it worked... After i completed my NS, i quitted Boys' Brigade and stop being active in church and work in Mini Toons... After tat, i felt really relieved and no more heavy burdens on my shoulder... Slowly, i realised all these while, i have moved on quite alot... Even though, we sometimes still sms, chat on msn on a veri rare occasions... I dun really feel much abt it liaoz... Juz like a normal friends... Coz i know, wats past is past... Nothing can change anything... I have learnt to let it go...

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I remb this is her favourite verse... It doesn't juz apply on relationship... It's abt everything even after we are not tgt anymore... I prayed tat one day she will be able to find someone whom God have planned for her truely... Coz i know tat person is not mi obviously... Yup... Later on, i came out with this poem...

Never say love alone, for love comes from both sides...
Never say forever, if you can't commit it...
Coz it's a promise......
So don't turn this promise a lifetime unfulfilled promise.........

Tats why i will never say i still love her... I remb there was a story abt a man has never said the word love to his gf b4... Becoz he believed tat the word love shoudn't anyhow use coz to him, it's a lifetime commitment... Until one day, he said to her tat he loves her... She broke into tears coz she knows tat he's proposing to her...

All these years, it's amazing how God has helped mi through and guided mi... I thanked Him for everything He has done... Even though He took her away from my life... I believed there's a good reason behind it... Slowly, i also learn to try to see a bigger picture of every situation... Guess God wans mi to go through all these so tat i can grow stronger in Him... Juz like the lyrics of this song, God is never far away from mi... He's always right here for mi every single moment of my life, may it be down or up moments... Tats why when alas let mi listened to this song... I felt tat i should blog it out and do some sharing... And to clear any doubts, i'm not emo-ing... Yup... Here's the lyrics and i have upload the song in multiply... Enjoy... :)

Right Here

All the world is watching
all the world does care
Even when the world weighs on my shoulder now
these feelings I can bear

Because I know, that
You're here
everywhere I go I know
You're not far away
You're right here,
You're right here

All these thoughts I've wasted
all these thoughts I've feared
Even when these thoughts are faded
I still know that
You hear so I can rest my hope in You

Everywhere I go I know You're not far away
You're right here, You're right here

The many times that I have felt alone
the many times that I have felt the world was
crashing down upon me
You always stood here by my side
You were always there

Everywhere I go I know You're not far away.
You're right here, You're right here